His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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