He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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