9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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