that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
