i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
