Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
