Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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