I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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