So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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