I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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