Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
