Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
