Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
