if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
