i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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