To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
