I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
