Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
