Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think my vagina is haunted
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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