Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
