Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
