I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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