Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
