: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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