Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
