Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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