I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
