I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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