I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
