Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
