Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
