having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
