So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
