there's paper in my vomit.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
