Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
