so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
