I wish I could teleport
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
