last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
