Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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