You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
