It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
