We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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