first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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