And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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