tell your sister to shave her snatch
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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