We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
