So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
