so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
