You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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