When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
