i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
