I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
