I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
