dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As shirtless as possible
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well I just put wine in my tea
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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