you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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