Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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