yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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