I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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