This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
