At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
