I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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