Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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