Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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