Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize