call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
