Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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