mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
