I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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