I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
