I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
it's great music for shaving your balls
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
