I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Randomize
