Only a mothe r could love this liver
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
3pm strippers are depressing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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