Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
