Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
