If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
