im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
