he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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