I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
