maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I sprained my soul last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize