The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
