I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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