You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
