Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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