it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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