Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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