Tell her she can't have a vagina
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
