But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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