but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
