I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
