We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
