never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This toilet bowl is my home.
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