i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
