I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
