Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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