im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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