I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
