I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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