btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
