i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
