There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
