so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
